If one day you discover him
Broken down he's lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he's not
The woman at his side is all that he has got
Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth?
[CHORUS]
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?
If by chance all he had to give you
Was three words wrapped around your finger
Would that be deep enough at the end of every day
And how will you ever know
If a man is what he says?
Why do you ask him to move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
He never gives up
Lets go of his dreams
His world goes around for his one true belief
Is that how you know
Is that what it means?
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
Would he will be your anchor when the dark unfolds
Would he always love you the best that he knows?
Would he give his life up
To be all that he can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?
Is that, is that, is that how you measure oh..
Is that, is that, is that... how you measure a man..
well you can't blame me for that.. cuz nothin actually happens here.
oh well, i've been through 2 weeks of total and complete isolation frmo the rush and hastiness of real life back in kl. and i fucking miss it. hurr.. complete this week and go home for a week.. (hopefully get to see Paul van Dyk in zouk.. heheh)
and today's the first day i had a decent conversation with other human-like lifeforms here! hahahah.. seriously.. i think me being here will not sharpen my mind by me studying but do the total opposite because i lack human contact. (not that contact with ET isn't bad.. hahahahahaha.. i'm fucking mean.)
met my roommate's friends, (girls btw, but well.. not that dinosaur, but still kinda dinosaur.. *i can't help it that i'm mean! glare.*) and forgot to ask their names.. but jumped right into the conversation la.. so 4 of us were on the table.. and 2 from sarawak, 1 from indonesia and lil ol' me from the hustle and bustle of kuala lumpur baby.. or is it ampang.. hahahhahaa..
anyways. i learned an interesting fact today.. and i'll be talking about it today la..SUICIDE.
last year, apparently, there was a suicide in the Inti Hostels. some chinese dude from China was told by the education authority that they strongly suggest that this chinese guy, (we'll name him CG.) CG switch his course from law to something else. of course, to thicken the plot, this poor CG apparently has parents who are the type who like to "tar the road to success for their kids".
added pressure from both parties was the most likely cause of the jump from the fourth floor.
of course, to add to the controversy there were also numerous other allegations on why he did "it".. haha.. well no laughing matter.. there's one saying he was trying to climb a floor up to his pal's room, and it so happened that he slipped on that day.. and that he's done it many times before.. (i'd put the pic of him sprawled on the floor up.. but i guess it would be too graphic..)
so now, to the discussion.. i can't believe that anyone in the world would take thier own lives for something that their parents believed in. i mean.. what type of parents are those in the first bloody place? i can never understand parents who in their quest to achieve all that is the best for their children, blind themselves of the fact that maybe sometimes, it should be not what the parents want, but the child. it's their lives for fucking sakes! let them live it. i'm sure you're all with me on this..
secondly, most of the blame can also be forwarded back to the individual who commited that act of selfishness. death is not a way to anything. it never was, it never will be. by commiting suicide, i think that it's only hiding from the problems, and maybe just dropping it all on the people you love and care for you.. i have thought of commiting suicide. once. that was it..
i guess that was one of the times when i was really emotionally pushed.. and i really didn't know who to turn to, or who to ask advice from, or how to deal with it basically.. i guess in the end, the only thing refraining me from commiting that wretched act was my friends.. without the support of my closest friends, i would probably still be comtemplating suicide..
which brings us to another point.. most of the people who think they wanna commit suicide, sometimes just don't have the balls to do it. (no pun intended for the female suicide contemplaters.) isn't it true? that when faced with the prospect of jumping down and ending it all.. putting a stopper to that overflowing waterfall of problems that just keeps going on that cycle.. i guess this is so because of the fact that everyone has to have at least a FEW good memories that they would want to cherish.. and good memories that they would wanna experience again.. i guess on the other hand, the people who really do commit suicide are the worst of the lot.. with no fond memories to stop them from going overboard, no relatives who really understand what they want in life and love them for who they are, not who the parents want them to be.. people who do not have the friends to back you up no matter what, friends who will wade through thick and thin.. friends who listen to your problems but don't stop at that.
hmmm.. back to that guy.. i pity him. he's the perfect example of what could happen to kids nowadays with parents who are too demanding of what they expect from their kids. parents who want to tie a leash on everything their child wants to do. parents who want to see success in every nook and corner of their children but in the end, only see failure on their part to understand his happiness.
these are the parents who should take this event, and remember that they are the backbone of thier children's lives.. children (most of them) strive to make their parents proud.. even though it's not the 1st place finish in class, even though it's not the million dollar contract sealed, even though it's a girl not a boy as grandchildren, even though it's only a diploma in fuckology instead of that PhD in medicine.. (ignore the last one. :D)
parents, don't pressure us.
i can't believe it.. i'm finally here.. i'm finally in Inti Nilai. a big word of advice to all who wants to study here (which i am like 90% sure NO ONE) :You better have stuff to do, or else, you'll grow fat trying to pass time by eating.. I think I will. :(i'm practically bored my ass off.. and to think that i could at least take away some misery by bringing my comp.. which to a certain extent it did.. but when i brought it here, i realised that i have nothin to do on my comp unless i'm online.. ended up watching 10 episodes of Viva La Bam. finally, after like 4 hrs of wondering how to connect to the internet here, i finally got it sorted out.. and then, another disaster.. My MSN couldn't connect.. i don't know for what fuck reason or how it all went wrong.. so i had to download a fresh copy and reinstalled it.. tried it again.. and still cannot! KNN.. then i knew it had to be the connection.. then think think think.. why why why like that???then it struck me.. there had to be AT LEAST 2500 rooms here.. (16 blocks of hostels with 4 lvls each..) so that would make up maybe like 4000 students maybe.. IN FULL CAPACITY la.. but then, at this time there would be maybe only 3000 students living.. and say that maybe HALF had computers.. that would make 3000 people connected to the internet at any one time..imagine that.. 3000 computers, some surfing some high badwidth site, some may be surfing porn, some watching streaming videos.. and i think almost ALL on MSN MESSENGER.. CONLAN7FIRM lag la! and according to my roommte Inti supposedly invested like 20 million or sth like that on the internet facilities or sth..now it's like i can only get great connection at the odd hours.. like from 2am onwards.. crappy stuff..neways.. will update on my classes tomoro... gtg sleep now.. later at 4am, MAN U v Arsenal
is time supposed to go so fast? a couple of blinks and there goes 2005.. does anyone feel the same way? they always say time passes fast only when you're having a great time.. somehow, i beg to differ on that idea..
gah... will update again when i have more ideas la.. hehe
but..MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL! :p
most of these problems stem from my education.. now that i think i'm 99% sure that i'm going to leave taylor's.. i don't know where to go.. with the new year just around the corner.. what, just a little more than a week away, i have to make my decisions quick.
hmmm.. maybe to some of my friends now, my results seem kinda okay. a lot of them are looking to pass, some just getting more than average will do just fine. but i don't know.. maybe it's because i've been living and growing up in the pressurized environment that makes me wanna achieve so much more.. recently, i got back my results from my last semester in taylor's.. and i got a measly B-, C-, and yet another C-.. and in the end, pulling my CGPA down to 2.45 from 2.75 from a maximum of 4. when i was at 2.75, i remember telling myself that i should buck up, and try my hardest not to dissapoint my parents and also, more importantly, my own expectations.. but i failed, miserably.
in the beginning it was okay. then it all began to sink. everything that i promised myself suddenly didn't mean anything to me. i don't know why it happened, or that i wanted it to happen, but it just disappeared.. i was forsaking my education to pursue something that all teens want.. Fun and Freedom. it's not that i didn't realise this early also.. i DID. but still, i did nothin to stop my turmulous descent to educational dysfunction.
it was only after my exams, when it was evident that it was already too late, did i begin to realise that this can't do. i can't go on like this flushing down my parents money down the toilet. then i began to trace down the roots of my problem.. in the beginning, i thought it was the surroundings i was in.. for example, in taylor's, i think it was common knowledge that people who wanted to look for me, the first place they had to look was either in class, or Rack. most of the time, it was the latter.. so it was pool which was slowly pulling my attention that i had placed for my education.. then i also thought it couldn't be only that which was ruining my education. then i thought that maybe it could be the peers i mix with. could it be? why not.. after all, it is common knowledge that a teenager's personality and self identity would inadvertly be decided on the people you mix with.. could it be that because i was starting to go clubbing, or come home late at night? could it be that i was placing a bigger importance on pleasing my friends, and fulfilling their requests that i go out??
i was wrong.
in the end, it was only obvious that the only reason i've been getting all this horrendous results was plain and simple : ME. i had no one to blame but myself and my lack of discipline. after all, thinking about it, the power to be devoid of all these problems rested on whether i had the sense to forget about pool and focus more on my education.. it also rested on my sensibility on deciding whether i should or should not go out, or spend time with my friends when the numerous appointments with my books haven't been met.
so it's me who has to change.. and i seriously and truly want to change. i realise my mistakes and the age old adage that it's never too late to learn has made my will to succeed even stronger. all i want is to please myself with the results that i can be proud of.. and be the person my parents would want.. although people might come and tell me that it's my life to live and that my parents should accept who i am.. i still feel that how i am right now is not right.. my upbringing might be the reason this is.. and i want my parents to be proud to have a son like me. the sacrifices my parents have made for me.. their wishes of happiness and success for me have made me realise that i shouldn't, i can't be that selfish to put my happiness through FUN AND GAMES in front. after all, what they want is the best for me.. it is my mother's wish to see at least one of her son's come back overseas with a degree and i'm determined that it be me..
now, my parents want me to go to Inti, Nilai to further my studies and in a years time, transfer to America to study.. but i don't know why.. the first and only time i had a visit to their campus in nilai, i had a sorta bad impression or a gut feeling that i was never going to fit in there.. today i had went through almost 3 hours of constant pressure from my mother and my aunt to ask me to give it a try there.. but what if i really can't acclimatise myself there? in the end, i would be again, dissapointing them..
so now.. i am thinking to take the MUFY from sunway college.. although i have heard from numerous friends that it is undeniabl the hardest of foundations from most colleges, i'm determined to try and succeed. and after the one year there, go over to australia for 3 years to complete my degree.
nothin is decided though.-------------------------------
now for the second part of my story.. for a long part of my life.. i've always been the person who hides my feelings.. who casts a mask over myself in reality.. in the eyes of my friends, i can be described as someone who is lively, who is very friendly, the typical extrovert you may say.. deep down inside.. i've always told myself not to be a burden to ANYONE at all.. that's why i always try to stay happy.. to stay worry free.. so that no one would worry about me.. so that no one would even cast a thought about me.. i didn't want to be a selfish person who would occupy anyone's thoughts when they could have better things to think about..
but in these few months, that has been increasingly hard to do.. the constant pressure exerted by these hidden and untouched emotions have been slowly inching their ugly faces out.. these angry, sad, and well, generally negative emotions kept boiling in myself until sometimes i just feel like.. doing the worst to myself.. jsut to let some of the steam out.. it's hard to dsecribe, that feeling.. i guess, the limit to keeping all that emotion has been met a long time ago.. and now it hasn't anywhere to go, besides me showing them..
then i ask myself.. why do you put yourself through this pain? why? i guess it's become part of my life.. i do it without knowing.. it's second nature i would say after doing it over and over again for such a long time..
though i don't have those occasional bursts of rage and anger.. i still feel sad most of the times these days.. and there are only a couple of things that truly and genuinely make me happy.. these things are like the jewels in my life because they're so hard to come by.. everytime i'm engaging myself in these activities, it's like a different me.. i can smile and sometimes laugh to myself.. (i know it sounds like i'm a crazy maniac..) it just truly releases me from the anger and the burden held up inside me.. as of me typing now.. i can only name one thing that can make me happy to that extent.. [won't be naming it here though. :D ]
hmmmm.. let's just make things short here.. wouldn't wanna bore you with all the details.. but then.. the decision i have to make could have a negative effect on this one thing i treasure most in my life at the moment.. yes.. it could dissapear.. :(
drowning myself in the wails of madness that goes on deep in my soul.
begone, wretched feelings!
the time has arrived. no more pain. no more suffering.
goodbye.------------------------------went to mv to catch king kong yesterday.. the movie was kinda okay actually.. although there were some parts where it was kinda evident they were using a blue background to film.. hahah.. kinda not something you expect in a movie that cost $203 million. :Dwoke up at around ermm.. 10 cuz of sabs call! grrr.. hahaha.. then couldn't go back to sleep adi.. had some funny feeling about my stomach then.. it was kinda like the cross between i'm hungry but i feel super full type of feelings.. dunno la.. at around 130 left home to fly all the way to PJ to fetch sabs and kel to mv.. thanks to the wonders of my great memmory and Google Earth i was able to find their place without much hassle.. hehehe..MV WAS SO PACKED! i mean the outside la.. on a tuesday even.. omggg.. it's become somewhat a hassle to drive to these types of places.. anyways.. 20 minutes later, we found a parking spot. THANK GOD!then met up with moon yee, her cousin (whose name i didn't get. :p ), julia and cheese. watched the movie and went for dinner at kim gary. as a result of my overturned stomach i didn't eat anything, just had yin yong ice to drink. stayed there and chatted for 2+ hours then went a lil shopping in topshop where ju bought a blue top while i stared green with envy of people who were able to shop at quiksilver. T.T took pictures after that and then we went home.hmmm.. the day was alright i would say. hehe.
- deleted -
Name:Eric ã¨ãªãã¯
Bdae:6887
Nicks:divinition, Savant
Place of Knowledge: - none -
Contact:linkinpark8@hotmail.com
[[ My Adores ]]
Food: Japanese. Without a doubt. (and chocolate..)
Drinks: Limau Ais.
Pastimes: Pool, Foos, MSN, tv, and friends. :D
People: Friends
[[ My Detests ]]
People: Rempits, MCs, Kurapzz.
Things: (Yet to be assertained.)
Food: Petai, brinjal, bitter gourd. Ugghhhh...
[[ Music's Playing ]]
Artist:
Song:
[[ My History ]]
|June 2005|July 2005|August 2005|September 2005|October 2005|November 2005|December 2005|January 2006|February 2006
[[ The Conversations ]]
[[ My Friends ]]
Zer0
Alllyy
Abby
Emily
Johnson
Julia
Kelly
lazyjem
Lie Peh
Moon Yee
Natalie
quaintly_pinkpau
Rachel
Sabs
Sern Li
Shijuanzhu
Rollerbuzz
Amanda Mun
Tammy
Yuenz
[[ Credits ]]
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